6 Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser at Work - The Muse

6 Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser at Work - The Muse6 Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser at WorkHas anyone ever accused you of being a people pleaser at work? You might have felt put off, thinking, Yeah, I like making sure everyone in the office is happy. Whats wrong with that? The answer? Nothing. Its admirable to be a pleasant co-worker and a leader who helps others be successful. In fact, individuals labeled as people pleasers are often kind and have honorable intentions. They usually accept heavier workloads, expend time and energy to enhance team morale, and care deeply for their company and co-workers. unterstellung are all positive attributes, so it might be difficult to see how looking out for others happiness could possibly have a negative impact on your career and professional happiness- but it can. For example, to please others, you may go along with colleagues subpar ideas, even when you have a better solution. You might agree to unreasonable requests, like working l ate nights and weekends to cover for co-workers. As a result, you may feel overwhelmed, overworked, and unappreciated for all of the extra support you provide- and that can lead to frustration and burnout.Conversely, the ability to assert yourself appropriately, take pride in your ideas, and prioritize your own needs can help you excel in your career. While it can be difficult to break this habit, it isnt impossible. Heres how to overcome people-pleasing tendencies and get back on track to career success.1. Admit and Commit to ChangeStart by assessing the root of your need to please others. Do you fear rejection or failure? Maybe the habit stems from how you were raised or an experience from your childhood. Take some time to think through why you habitually put others before yourself. Knowing what habits you need to break- and where they came from- will make it easier to overcome them. Then, pinpoint where you want to improve. Make a list of the issues youre noticing at the office, like feeling underappreciated or working more while your colleagues work less. Now consider what you could do differently to avoid those situations- for example, by setting firm boundaries about how late youre willing to stay at the office- and stick to those commitments. 2. Ask Others for HelpInstead of constantly agreeing to requests from others at work, turn it around by proactively seeking out opportunities for co-workers to help you. For example, the next time youre overwhelmed by emails, meetings, or projects, ask if one of your colleagues could take something off your plate- like research for an upcoming presentation or help with filing reports. Even if its a minor task, its a move toward being OK with asking for help.3. Make it an Official GoalIf you have a supportive supervisor, mention in your next one-on-one meeting or evaluation that being a people pleaser is something you want to work on. Explain why and how you want to move away from this habit, and describe specific s kills you want to improve on- such as delegation. Making your supervisor aware of your goal will enable him or her to help you create an action plan. And, as a bonus, your boss will likely appreciate your insightfulness and dedication to professional development.4. Practice Saying NoPeople pleasers often fear that by becoming more assertive, they will damage workplace relationships. You can eliminate some of that fear simply by trying out different ways to say no until you feel more comfortable.Privately rehearse responses like, Im sorry, but I have a big deadline approaching, and Im completely focused on that. Try asking Angela for help, or, I can work on that after I complete this report. You may also want to consider establishing timeframes- for example, I am free to help on Tuesday from 10 AM until 12 PM.Practicing phrases like these will make turning down a project feel much more natural, which can alleviate the fear of damaging your relationships with co-workers. 5. Take Baby StepsDont feel that you have to do a complete 180 overnight. Start small. Identify a few habits to focus on first, and work through them gradually. For example, maybe you begin by tracking how often you apologize for things that arent your fault or setting a goal to turn down one additional assignment each week.Easing out of your established tendencies take some pressure off of you and will be less shocking for the people you work with- rather than suddenly shouting, No in response to every request.6. Realize You Are Not AloneWhen someone asks you for help, you may think, If I dont do this, it wont get done, or, This part is depending on me to come through for them. But those thoughts arent always true. The future of the company you work for does not rest solely on your shoulders, and there are other people who can take on additional responsibilities if you are maxed out. Understanding this will help you eliminate stress, ensure tasks are dispersed evenly and appropriately, and ulti mately help you enjoy your career more.Striving to make everyone happy all of the time is not sustainable. It might be possible in the short term, but ultimately, the only person you have complete control over is you. Make yourself your first priority, and youll be happier in your work and a better professional for it. Photo of thumbs up courtesy of Shutterstock.

Job Seeking Tips From Top Career Advisor Cheryl Palmer - FlexJobs

Job Seeking Tips From Top Career Advisor Cheryl Palmer - FlexJobsJob Seeking Tips From Top Career Advisor Cheryl Palmer Call to Career, a career coaching and resume writing firm. Cheryl has been featured on CNN and MarketWatch, and shes here today to offer her tips on common mistakes job seekers make, must-do resume and cover letter tips, the best time to respond to a job posting and more.Tips from career advisor, Cheryl PalmerDo you have any must-do resume or cover letter tips that help land applications at the top of the pile?Highlight accomplishments. Job seekers often pull out their position descriptions and use them as the basis for a description of their work experience. But seldom do they point out accomplishments on the resume, which are what distinguish them from similarly qualified candidates. Other employees with similar job titles will have similar experience, but no one can duplicate your accomplishments exactly. Employers are interested in what you have contributed to p revious organizations as an indicator of what you can do for them.Use keywords. Recruiters search their resume databases by keywords, so if a resume does elendlage contain that keywords that recruiters are looking for, that resume will probably elend be reviewed, no matter how qualified the applicant is.Match your qualifications to the requirements of the position. This will make your cover letter effective. The recruiter should not have to guess as to whether or not you are qualified. Make it clear that you have the qualifications that the company is looking for based on the vacancy announcement.Sending in a job application can be extremely competitive. Do you feel job seekers need to respond to a job posting immediately? Or what is the best approach timing-wise to get their resume seen?It is best to respond to a posted opening as quickly as possible. Many recruiters will cut off the number of resumes they review after the first 50 or so because they are so inundated with people tr ying to find work. I advise job seekers to try to network their way into a company after they have sent in a resume. That way they are more likely to get a response to the resume that they sent in.What are the most common mistakes you come across when working with people to find jobs?Over-relying on job boards. Many job seekers rely on job boards as their only job search method. Job boards are where you will find the most competition. Although job seekers should use job boards as part of their job search mix, they should also incorporate networking, recruiters, and professional associations into their job search to increase their job search resultsNot practicing for the interview. Many people feel that because they have been successful in the past in terms of landing a job, that they dont need to practice their answers to commonly asked interview questions. This is a big mistake. The interview is too important for you not to be well-prepared for it. You will be accepted or rejected based on your performance in the interview, so prepare for questions that you will probably be asked.Not negotiating salary. The biggest mistake that job hunters make in terms of salary negotiation is that they do not attempt to negotiate because they are scared to do so in the current economic environment. Since the competition is so stiff in the job market, many job seekers unfortunately assume that they have no bargaining power. However, most organizations have a range in mind for the salary that they intend to pay new employees, so there is room for negotiation.What is your best advice for someone who is unhappy in their current job?Take a hard look at your options and determine the best course of action. Dont wait until the job is totally unbearable and you are forced to leave. Test the waters with the job market in the field that you are in to see how feasible it is to find another position. Perhaps you can find another position in the company that you are in that is a better fit for you.But if you realize that obtaining another job is not workable right now, try some of these options to increase your job satisfactionMentor more junior employees. If you have a number of years of experience in your field, you can increase your job satisfaction by passing along your experience to employees who are newer to the organization. There is fulfillment in helping others, and mentoring other employees can make your time at your current job more enjoyable.Get involved in committees to increase your visibility in the organization and make a contribution outside of your department. Many large companies have committees to review processes or improve employee retention. Joining such a committee can expose you to other people in a large organization that you might not otherwise meet and can open the door for future job opportunities.Take advantage of employer-sponsored community service programs. If your employer has a community service program, use that as an opportunit y to do something good for someone else and get away from your workplace for a few hours a week. This will take your mind off your own troubles and also lend a helping hand to someone else. You might be able to get involved in your local public school or help out in a homeless shelter. Community service programs can also have the added benefit of positioning you for future opportunities if you take on volunteer work that will give you skills in a different area.Use a company-sponsored tuition reimbursement program to your advantage. If your company offers tuition reimbursement, take classes that will enhance your resume. You might consider getting a certification in your field since certifications have become very common in many fields. If you do not yet have an advanced degree, you might consider using the tuition reimbursement program to obtain that degree to increase your marketability.These are a few ways that you can use your time well while you are waiting for a better opportu nity to come along.In this tough economy, is it better for a person to quit a job that makes them miserable and dedicate their time to finding a better job or keep their current position while they look?I advise people in this situation to keep their current position and look for something better. Many employers prefer to hire individuals who are already employed. The other issue is that you will have an income while you are searching. If you quit your job, you may not be eligible for unemployment benefits, and even if you receive unemployment benefits, the amount you receive may not be enough to pay your bills.What recommendations do you have for job-seekers to explain a substantial period of unemployment? If you have done volunteer work during your period of unemployment, use that to fill in the gap on your resume. Some job seekers have cared for family members who are ill while unemployed, and others have volunteered in their houses of worship or in the community. This is conside red experience. But to not explain a gap in employment is the kiss of death. Employers will easily conclude that you have not been doing anything during this time if you do not address the issue on the resume.What tips to do you offer to help people looking to improve their work-life experience?Dont put all your eggs in one basket. Your job is only one part of your life. Make sure that you invest in the people in your life and get involved in your community. You should make a contribution to society by being a good father, mother, sister, aunt, uncle, and community member. You cannot afford to stake all of your self-worth on your employment status, especially in a bad economy where competition for jobs is stiff. If you lose your job and you have not invested in your relationships, you will soon realize that you have neglected a very important part of your life.For someone facing a job search, is there a piece of advice or inspiration you recommend?Stay positive by associating with p ositive people. Job searches are taking longer now than they did prior to the recession. You should think of your job search as a marathon rather than a sprint. In order to stay motivated to keep on looking when things dont happen as quickly as you would like, you will need positive people around you to encourage you.Any other tips or advice youd like to share?Cultivate your network throughout your entire work life. Many people only network when they need a job, but you should nurture your network continuously by periodically touching base with people you know professionally.To learn more from Cheryl Palmer and Call to Career, visit calltocareer.com.

7 ways managers motivate and demotivate employees

7 ways managers motivate and demotivate employees7 ways managers motivate and demotivate employeesFew things are as costly and disruptive as managers who kill morale. Demotivated employees underperform and then walk out the door at the first opportunity.The scariest thing is how prevalent this lack of motivation is. Gallup research shows that 70% of employees consider themselves to be disengaged at work.Organizations know how important it is to have motivated, engaged employees, but most fail to hold managers accountable for making it happen.When they dont, the bottom line suffers.Research from the University of California found that motivated employees were 31% more productive, had 37% higherbei sales, and were three times more creative than demotivated employees. They were also 87% less likely to quit, according to a Corporate Leadership Council study on over 50,000 people.Gallup research shows that a mind-boggling 70% of an employees motivation is influenced by his or her manager. Its no wonder employees dont leave jobs they leave managers.Making things worseBefore managers can start creating motivated, engaged employees, there are some critical things that they need to stop doing. What follows are some of the worst behaviors that managers need to eradicate from the workplace.Making a lot of stupid rules.Companies need to have rules- thats a given- but they dont have to be short sighted and lazy attempts at creating order. Whether its an overzealous attendance policy or taking employees frequent flier miles, even a couple of unnecessary rules can drive people crazy. When good employees feel like big brother is watching, theyll find someplace else to work.Letting accomplishments go unrecognized.Its easy to underestimate the power of a pat on the back, especially with top performers who are intrinsically motivated. Everyone likes kudos, none more so than those who work hard and give their all. Rewarding individual accomplishments shows that youre paying attent ion. Managers need to communicate with their people to find out what makes them feel good (for some, its a raise for others, its public recognition) and then to reward them for a job well done. With top performers, this will happen often if youre doing it right.Hiring and promoting the wrong people.Good, hard-working employees want to work with like-minded professionals. When managers dont do the hard work of hiring good people, its a major demotivator for those stuck working alongside them. Promoting the wrong people is even worse. When you work your tail off only to get passed over for a promotion thats given to someone who glad-handed their way to the top, its a massive insult. No wonder it makes good people leave.Treating everyone equally.While this tactic works with school children, the workplace ought to function differently. Treating everyone equally shows your top performers that no matter how high they perform (and, typically, top performers are work horses), they will be t reated the same as the bozo who does notlagehing more than punch the clock.Tolerating poor performance.Its said that in jazz bands, the band is only as good as the worst player no matter how great some members may be, everyone hears the worst player. The same goes for a company. When you permit weak links to exist without consequence, they drag everyone else down, especially your top performers.Going back on their commitments.Making promises to people places you on the fine line that lies between making them very happy and watching them walk out the door. When you uphold a commitment, you grow in the eyes of your employees because you prove yourself to be trustworthy and honorable (two very important qualities in a boss). But when you disregard your commitment, you come across as slimy, uncaring, and disrespectful. After all, if the boss doesnt honor his or her commitments, why should everyone else?Being apathetic.More than half of people who leave their jobs do so because of their relationship with their boss. Smart companies make certain their managers know how to balance being professional with being human. unterstellung are the bosses who celebrate an employees success, empathize with those going through hard times, and challenge people, even when it hurts. Bosses who fail to really care will always have high turnover rates. Its impossible to work for someone eight-plus hours a day when they arent personally involved and dont care about anything other than your productivity.Making things betterOnce managers have eradicated the seven negative behaviors that demotivate their best people, its time to replace them with the following seven behaviors that make people love their jobs.Follow the platinum rule.The Golden Rule (treat others as you want to be treated) has a fatal flaw it assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores the fact that people are motivated by vastly different things. One person loves public recognition, while another loathes being the center of attention. The Platinum Rule (treat others as they want to be treated) corrects that flaw. Good managers are great at reading other people, and they adjust their behavior and style accordingly.Be strong without being harsh.Strength is an important quality in a leader. People will wait to see if a leader is strong before they decide to follow his or her lead or not. People need courage in their leaders. They need someone who can make difficult decisions and watch over the good of the group. They need a leader who will stay the course when things get tough. People are far more likely to show strength themselves when their leader does the same. A lot of leaders mistake domineering, controlling, and otherwise harsh behavior for strength. They think that taking control and pushing people around will somehow inspire a loyal following. Strength isnt something you can force on people its something you earn by demonstrating it time and again in the face of adversi ty. Only then will people trust that they should follow you.Remember that communication is a two-way street.Many managers think that theyre great communicators, not realizing that theyre only communicating in one direction. Some pride themselves on being approachable and easily accessible, yet they dont reallyhearthe ideas that people share with them. Some managers dont set goals or provide context for the things they ask people to do, and others never offer feedback, leaving people wondering if theyre more likely to get promoted or fired.Be a role model, not a preacher.Great leaders inspire trust and admiration through theiractions,not just their words. Many leaderssaythat integrity is important to them, but great leaders walk their talk by demonstrating integrity every day. Harping on people all day long about the behavior you want to see has a tiny fraction of the impact you achieve by demonstrating that behavior yourself.Be transparent.Good managers are transparent and forthcomi ng about company goals, expectations, and plans. When managers try to sugarcoat, mask, or euphemize in order to make things seem better than they are, employees see right through it.Be humble.Few things kill motivation as quickly as a bosss arrogance. Great bosses dont act as though theyre better than you, because they dontthinkthat theyre better than you. Rather than being a source of prestige, they see their leadership ort as bringing them additional accountability for serving those who follow them.Take a genuine interest in employees work-life balance.Nothing burns good employees out quite like overworking them. Its so tempting to work your best people hard that managers frequently fall into this trap. Overworking good employees is perplexing to them it makes them feel as if theyre being punished for their great performance. Overworking employees is also counterproductive. New research from Stanford shows that productivity per hour declines sharply when the workweek exceeds 50 ho urs, and productivity drops off so much after 55 hours that you dont get anything out of the extra work.Bringing it all togetherIf you cultivate the characteristics above and avoid the demotivators, youll become the kind of boss that people remember for the rest of their careers.Travis Bradberry is the co-author ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the co-founder ofTalentSmart.Thiscolumnfirst appeared onLinkedIn.